Guest Post:
     ~ Miriam 

If you were to ask me to identify the happiest day of my life of my life so far, I would give you two: the summer day in 2008 when my sister was married, and then another summer day in 2009, when my brother got married. I wouldn’t say they were perfect days (we all know that weddings bring their own kind of stressful baggage), but I’m not talking about perfection here; I am talking about happiness – or, rather, that deep-down joy that doesn't get easily unsettled when things haven’t gone perfectly according to plan. On those two days, there wasn’t much room left to bother about the snags and hiccups – even the major ones. I was too caught up in the look of love exchanged between the spouses, a look that was intimate enough to make you wonder if you should be watching, but also open enough to invite everyone else in. 

Now, over time, those looks of love have been mixed with looks of frustration, sadness and exhaustion. The terms of endearment have become punctuated here and there with a terse word or an impatient shrug. No surprises there, as far as I can tell. From where I’m standing, it would seem that the intertwining of two entirely distinct lives is a pretty complex business, and it doesn’t even come with a helpful step-by-step handbook. But there is something that has surprised me a bit, as I’ve observed my siblings in their respective marriages: that one of the greatest gifts that I’ve been given on my own journey of discernment has been to witness the goodness of the marriage vocation. And not just witness – I recently had the privilege of living with my sister’s family for a time, and I was immersed in the daily realities of a growing household: the noise, the tenderness, the yelling, the smiles, the smushed-up peas on the floor, and the bedtime kisses…as the aunt, I’ve likened my role to that of St. John the Baptist: the one who “prepares the way.” For instance, I’ll babysit the kiddos, but then step to the sidelines when the parents come home, and they’ll say those words and perform those tasks which are proper to their vocation of mother and father. Namely, the task which involves changing the diaper…I joke, of course, but the fact remains that my present state of life is not the same as my sister’s. But seeing her grow in her own vocation has served to gently open my heart up to where the Lord might be inviting me. In short, to discover the beauty in one vocation has been to discover my calling towards another. 

DEEP LOVE OF MARRIAGE
It’s been a curious thing, at times, to fall deeper in love with marriage and family, only to find myself pulled simultaneously to the consecrated life. I’ll laugh and cry at the mommy blogs, even though I suspect I won’t ever be a mother (in the physical sense, that is…spiritual motherhood is another story!) I love to hear about wedding planning, even if I don’t plan on having my own. Even the chaos of dinnertime (I don’t like this food! Stop kicking me! Why did you spill your cup AGAIN??) has a strange kind of joy about it – albeit the strained, exhausted kind. But authenticity is attractive and life-giving, and here, in the drama of the domestic church, authenticity abounds – not least of all because parents are just too worn out to be anything but themselves. 

I bring this up because it is a great blessing – as a single person discerning the consecrated virginity – to be in close proximity to an authentically lived vocation. And why is that? Because it inspires me to strive to respond generously and honestly to the life that the Lord is calling me to. Vocational discernment, after all, is something that goes beyond feelings. It is to enter that innermost chamber of encounter between the person and the Holy Spirit; that place where the dance between the human will and the Divine Will occurs. This is not to discredit feelings, of course, because they are good and useful, the same way that a sign pointing me towards downtown Portland is good and useful - but the sign is not my destination. So to stay tuned into the life of the family – with all of its ups and downs – has been to keep me close to reality. As a single person, with few strenuous demands on my life, it’s essential that I stay in touch with reality, lest I get too comfortable and possessive of my little bubble of a world. I’d say reality checks are probably healthy for the discernment of any vocation! 

KEEP ON KEEPING IT REAL
This translates into my plea to Catholic families: keep on keeping it real. Don’t be afraid to show the true colors of what it means to be a 21st century Catholic family, living in this often-wacky world. Don’t hesitate to ask me to pray for your marriage and for your kids. And thank you! Thank you to the husbands and wives who have demonstrated that profound line from the First Letter of Peter: above all, let your love for one another be intense, because love covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8) Thank you for your openness to life, especially when that openness requires so much sacrifice. It is my prayer (should the Lord will it) that, in embracing the consecrated life, I might – in a tiny, mysterious way – reflect the beauty of the marital union; in its fidelity and in its fruit. In spending this precious time with family (and, I should add here, friends and their families!) it is not so much that I am reminded of what I would be giving up but rather what I would be taking up, as I strive to reflect the splendor of marriage in my own lived vocation. I should hope, if I am led into the consecrated life, that I might spend that life as a sentinel at the gates of marriage, defending it from anything that threatens to tear it down. Because if the beauty and dignity of earthly marriage is not a priority in my life, then I haven’t quite understood the beauty and dignity of the heavenly marriage, either. 

COMPLEMENTARITY
We each have a unique role to play in this magnificent chapter of salvation history, which is unfolding at this very moment in time. For many, that role will involve marriage and family. For others, it will involve “renouncing marriage for the sake of the kingdom.” (Mt. 19:12) The distinctions between vocations are necessary and good, indeed – but we must never lose sight of the universal call to holiness, and we must always be mindful of the vocations working in harmony. This fruitful collaboration is required so much today! We live in a world that is in desperate need of a springtime of sanctity and sanity. The universal call to holiness isn’t just a pithy phrase pulled from a Church document – it is a remedy for a generation aching to find a purpose. I pray that this call to holiness takes hold in each of our hearts, directing our lives according to the marvelous – and varied – designs of God. On a personal note, I would admit that I am too close to my sister to think that she is walking a path that lies a thousand miles away from me, parallel and distant. I’d like to think that she and I journey along roads which are perpendicular, and where they intersect, we arrive at a fuller sense of what it means to bear witness to the truth of the Cross. If we bear that witness together, then our testimony to the truth of the Resurrection will be that much stronger, and we will be more even more ready to give a reason for our hope. (1 Peter 3:15).